2009 HEADLINES THE NEWS MEDIA MISSED
Economic Collapse Found Due to Failure to Check Out Companies at "FreeCreditReport.com"
Governor Sanford Sings, "Don’t Lie for Me, Argentina"
Coast Guard, Investigating Self, Reports Didn’t Make Stupid Mistake with Massive Unannounced 9-11 Exercises in River Next to Obama’s 9-11 Pentagon Visit
Cheney Rises from Tomb to Stalk Earth Even More since Leaving Office
Right Wing Charges Corporate Bailout "Socialism," then Remembers was under Last President; Workers Now Unite, Demand Inclusion
Obama’s Declaration of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Response (1)
World to End in 2012; Republicans Push Health Vote to 2013 (2)
Lou Dobbs’ New Career: Chair of Xenophobe Party He Creates to Run for President and Construct "Fence Around America"
CIA Denies Any Undercover Work Despite Pelosi Stating That’s What They Do
Marijuana Legalized 2 Days after Advocates Put on Neckties (1); Holder Concedes "No Idea" How to Assure is only "Medical" Use
U.S Continues Quagmire-Building Effort in Afghanistan (1); In Surprising Development, Generals on the Ground Recommend More Troops and Equipment
Seymour Hersh Uncovers Another New Scandal No One Verifies
TV Pundit Takes Second To Think (1)
Sasha Obama Made $136 In Allowance Money (1) ; Mitch McConnell Insists President Obama Must Claim as Income since he Provided the Lemonade
Senate Minority Opposes Obama Patriotism in Seeking U.S. Olympics; Gold Medalist Andre Agassi Offers Wig, Drugs to IOC Selection Committee
Giuliani Again on TV, Offers Strategies to New Candidates for President Based on Own Brilliant Maneuvering in ‘08
Palin Denies Latest Polls Showing 70% Say She is Unqualified for President, Says in Book that Katie Couric Tricked her Asking Hard Questions like: Name any newspapers or Supreme Court cases;
Contending her 5 College Stays to Get Degree are "better than one," and Leaving Governorship After a Year, Palin Asserts Limited Attention Span Qualifies her for President
(1) From "The Onion," but updated
(2) From The Jay Leno Show
